*deep breath* Thoughts?
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Considering this is Rudy... my money's on him not even having thought it through in that much detail. Sure he has moments of lucidity where he becomes the most logical person in the group by far, but he also dressed up as a girl for Halloween without so much as mentioning it to Rain before hand. So... yeah.
The relationship still isn't going to work because she's more than likely right on the money about where Rudy's affections come from, but I doubt he had any potentially offensive motives behind pursuing this relationship.
I think she's being a little bit unfair. Someone can know something is going to happen, but still be surprised when it finally comes down. Especially if that person is important in one's life, and the thing that happens is super huge (like transitioning).
I think Rain is mostly reacting here. Maybe what she's saying is wrong (maybe it's not?), but either way, I think it's important that she gets it out. Communication is important in a relationship, and bottling things up and not talking about them is unhealthy. Also, people have a right to react. Logic and lucidity can come later. If it does not, that is when one should worry.
I was thinking about it, and I felt that Rudy's reaction made perfect sense. He knew it was coming, but it still came as a shock. He took a day off to think about it, and realized he still really liked Rain.
I know Rain is fragile, but she's doing a very problematic thing lots of people do. When they're hurt in any way, they lose all sight of anyone else. They get their hurt off their chest, before they realize that they're hurting someone else. I just hope that when she's gotten it out of her system they can talk about it calmly...
I think everyone has missed a point of Rudy's speech... He said he was still Gay and she was the exception. Why? probably because she a guy (for now), but on that note I think Rain is right to bring this up I feel that Rudy isn't being honest. With his speech and his feelings, (He might like her. But I don't believe he is being honest with himself otherwise he would not even think he was still gay, and love rain for who she is and what she will become later).
I've never been in this situation, so I hope I'm not stepping on any toes or anything...but is this anything like when a trans person in a relationship comes out, and they stay together...does that alter their partner's orientation? Is it one of those "if it's you, it's okay" things?
I guess it isn't perfectly analogous, because Rain didn't come out after meeting Rudy, but something about it seems similar to me...
Quite often when I'm reading this comic, I get struck by the fact that I don't really "understand" dysphoria. Much like Gavin I can accept and support it (although I DO like to hope that I'd handle myself a little better if a friend of mine confided in me) but I simply can't understand feeling so wrong in my body and the role given to me by society that I'd want to change my gender. I'm saying this frankly now, because I freely own that it's possible I don't really understand Rain's point of view here.
But I think she's being a little unfair. For one thing, she asked Rudy this question in front of everyone, forcing him to pick his words carefully and avoid mentioning anything too specifically. For another, Rudy's told her frankly, several times, that as far as he's aware he's still gay generally and that she's his exception. And finally, of COURSE he's shocked about the transition. If he's ever paid any attention to Rain at all he'd know that it's a complicated process, you can't just pop down to your GP and get a sex change. It did come out of nowhere, considering that up until New Years it was a "something I have to wait years before I can do".
On the other hand, nothing Rain's saying here is wrong. She's bringing up a lot of important points, and a lot of things that Rudy needs to think about. I just think that in a public place, after forcing him to "have his say" in front of outsiders to her secret, is a pretty harsh way of doing it.
Tl;dr Rain has a lot of good points, but she's still being unfair to Rudy.
I am delighted to see Rain finally speak up for herself though. She's so often too timid to defend herself, so it's good to see her confidently (if angrily) stating and defending her point of view.
It sounds to me like Rain's the one with insecurities in the relationship, but she's flipping it to make it seem like Rudy's at fault. Classic projection, psych 101.
@Outsider: No, coming out as trans, whether you've already transitioned or not does not alter your partner's orientation, despite what some people might say (or hope occasionally..). A gay person will always be gay, a bisexual person will always be bi, a heterosexual person will always be heterosexual. I'm not about to get all militant and say that it will always be a disaster, because it's up to other people whether they stay in mismatched relationships, and sometimes yes there are priorities that supersede splitting up (if a person has kids and comes out as trans or vise versa, they may stay with their partner for that reason regardless of their partner's orientation). In the end though, a gay/heterosexual man/woman dating a transgender MTF/FTM person who has yet to transition, will more than likely end in disaster, or at least not allow their relationship to continue on very successfully. Unless they can operate a successful relationship without any sort of sexual activity, which I know is possible, but not often accomplished. It's an often unfortunate truth about humanity that, even if we aren't regularly having sex with our partners, most of us would like to at least have it be possible, and would like to be sexually attracted to the person we might have sex with.
All of that said, let me clear up a few matches for you that will reinforce what I said about orientation not being affected by a person who's trans coming out to their partner in any sense.
A gay female dating a woman who's trans who comes out, is still gay, and their relationship would still be one of a homosexual nature because a woman who's trans is still a woman. Same goes for a gay man dating a man who's trans, even if they were born biologically female.
A heterosexual male dating a woman who's trans would still be hetero, and their relationship would still be heterosexual in nature because, again, still a woman regardless of what parts she started out with.
If that's all really confusing (which to some people I know it might be), then let me use some examples from the comic.
Gavin + Rain = Heterosexual relationship
Maria + Rain = Homosexual relationship
Rudy + Rain = Heterosexual relationship (which is what makes Rudy's sexuality an issue)
Now I know some people might not like me setting such a concrete binary when it comes to relationship classifications. I am aware that there are genderqueer and/or agender people who would just refer to their relationships as only that, a relationship, and prefer to leave the labels at home lest it conflict with their own gender identity or lack thereof. Heck there are other people besides them for that matter who would prefer to live without labels, and that's perfectly fine. My break down was merely for the purpose of explaining to outsider why coming out as trans does not affect your partner's orientation regardless of whether or not people choose to stay in the relationship, so please believe me when I say no offense was meant. :]
HOWEVER! There is one giant disclaimer I would like to add. Sometimes people who are in "mismatched" relationships do come to realize something new about themselves. Across the years I have interacted with a few other trans people online whose partners realized that they're okay with their partner's transition, or even that they still found themselves sexually attracted to this person post transition. This does not mean though that their orientation changed as a direct result of their partner's transition, it simply means they either discovered something new about themselves, or they decided they weren't really bothered that much by it. Most of the time though, things do not work out this well, but it does happen, and I just wanted to add that in case it might apply to someone reading over my comment who's like "hey... you know my wife ____" or something similar. :P
Needed to be said
I just have to add, while it's true that most relationships do not survive transition there are some that do.
I was with my partner for nine years before I came out and started to transition, it wasn't always easy, be we stayed together. He still calls himself gay because he is primarily attracted to men, but when people question him on why he is still with me his response is "I feel in love with a person, not a gender."
@LittleLynn84: *wince* Yikes! This doesn't bode well. I said before that I believed Rain was right in opening this communication. The problem is she isn't allowing him to answer her. It's good that she's telling him what worries her, but she shouldn't have let it boil over like this. Hopefully he will understand and be able to explain...
I think Rain is being a bit to straightforward for her typical character.
Not to be rude here, but come on, Rudy. You're dating a transsexual girl who is obviously extremely insecure...could've done a better job being clear with everything.
At the same time I want to just put duct tape on Rain's mouth. Just because you're insecure doesn't mean everyone has ulterior motives. Trust is a two way street- and you obviously don't trust Rudy to love you strictly for who you are and not the parts you have. Even if you bite first, be prepared to be bitten back.
I feel a disaster is looming around the corner here. Rain is getting some things off her chest, but I don't really think Rudy stopped to consider most of this - at least not on the level Rain has been, because it's not entirely tied up with his gender identity as it is hers.
@LYDIA_K (GUEST) that's great to hear!~~ and that's generally why I think a good relationship can probably overcome hurdles like a person coming out as trans* - if you have a healthy relationship and plenty of love then 90% of your day doesn't change, it's only the love-making which does...
I really, really hope nobody walked around the corner to hear that...
Okay, Rain is taking it a little far without giving Rudy a chance to reply, but I guess it's been seriously bothering her for a while.
As it should of course. It was a mistake to go from friendship to relationship for them. But, well, I hope they'll get over it without too much nastiness.
Rain confronting Rudy during a date at the mall is a bit out of character for her though. I know gender dysphoria can make you do uncharacteristic things, and Rain has definitely grown over the past 4½ months, but I'd still expect her to do this in private, even if emotion is getting the best of her right now.
My opinion is that Rain is highly sensitive (because she listens more to emotions than reason), but that Gavin's Dad was right about how hard can be to date people of incompatible sexualities.