This is a perplexing phenomenon I've encountered a lot over the years. Some part of me wonders if it's just me though, so let me explain. Let's say you're trans and you have a supportive, knowing cis friend, and they refer to you by your preferred pronouns or name... and apologize and/or take it back immediately afterwards (not maliciously; more like regretfully). Like, they want to do their best to show their support, but they have such a hard time wrapping their head around the concept or something, that they feel like they're doing something wrong. I've never totally understood this mentality, but I've had a fair few friends do this with me (usually in private settings). It's not really offensive or anything (not to me, anyway) because I know they mean well and they are trying, but it can be really frustrating having to repeat, "It's really okay to call me that, you know." XD
So, I depicted that scenario with the clueless Colin basically doing just this. Fara's been over it with him; possibly more than once. And even seeing what he's seeing now, he finds himself second-guessing his pronoun usage. Interpret what he's thinking as you will.
To my cis friends and allies, I just want to give a little friendly advice: when we tell you our preferred name and pronouns, not only is it okay for you to use them when referring to us, but it's encouraged. Don't be shy; we won't find it weird that you're treating us the way we asked you to. In fact, we'd appreciate it. ^_^
Look at me, coming back with a lecture. ^^;
Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
Also, I've said this before, but I'm trying to raise money for SRS, and I'm still struggling with it. If you can help, it would be most welcome. If not, don’t worry about it. I totally understand (you don't need to feel bad or apologize if you can’t).
I do that some times also... not because I can't wrap my head around the different gender (honestly, gender means nothing to me... which is why trans confuse me a bit) but mostly because... I don't know actually. I guess I just don't want to hurt feelings and I'm such a klutz when it comes to names ;w; I know I should just saw what gender you are (you know what I mean) but I'm still nervous. It's weird. Makes no sense ^^; I guess it's just not knowing what to do, even though it's obvious.
(I guess trans confuse me because gender doesn't mean anything to me. I mean if I turned into a boy I won't care much... I am who I am regardless on what's on the outside. So when some one says "I feel like a girl" it's confusing. I understand from a logical stand point but emotional it still is confusing and I'm an emotional person soooooo.) Sorry for blabbing! I tend to ramble.
@Narkota16: two fish are swimming in the ocean, a passing tortoise asks "how the water today?" one fish turns to the other and says "what the fuck is water?"
Cis people are like the fish. Giving a girl a boy's body is like taking a fish out of water. It's suffocating, but until you're out of water, you don't even know what it is.
Of course, I think there's also people who would be happy as either sex. Like some kind of (for the purposes of the analogy) gender amphibian.
@Marci: I really like that analogy! Mind if I use it? :)
I get confused when people don't know if to call me by my preferred name and pronouns - that's why I mentioned they were preferred! Because I prefer them! I forget that some people literally have no clue what gender is.
@Soren: Ha, feel free to use the analogy, I stole it myself!
@Marci: Guess I never thought of it like that. I guess I say I won't mind if I'm a boy but until I randomly turn into one I wouldn't know. I thought other cis people understood gender... I was just a weird one. Thanks for the explanation ^^
I think Colin might be actually trying to accept Rain.. but I'm not too sure yet. Guess we just have to see how things will flow..
Who is Colin again? I looked at the character list, but it didn't help much. Is he Fara's ex? Are they at his house? If so how come? (if he is the ex, then it would be to get the tix, so makes sense).
@Guest: If I remember right, Colin was the one who was offering to get tickets to the anime thing. They broke up but he still offered to get them the tickets. I may be wrong, though...
@Guest: Actually that is true. So they are there to get the tickets and Fara doesn't want any of his business.
This pretty much sums up the entirety of the Colin situation, if you forgot:
Since when does Colin know Rain is trans?
See the link I posted before your post... >_>
@LittleLynn84: ooooooohhhhhhhh I remember that page but I didn't see where Fara said "I felt like I had to explain the situation to him." Ok.
Thank you :).
So now I'm curious if it is only going to the convention, how come it makes Rain so strong? Is it that she is going with family? Or is it seeing the not so understanding ex of Fara's?
Fara's implying that Rain is strong to actually want to confront Colin despite having been told about his reaction to her. Normally, Rain is the type to go out of her way to avoid conflict (like presenting male to her brother to avoid having to explain her identity to him just before Christmas), so this seems unusually brave for Rain. Fara COULD have just as easily done this by herself, but Rain apparently wanted to go along (hence why Fara asks if she's sure before ringing the doorbell).
@LittleLynn84: Yeah, I'm that way too. Which is why my girl-side doesn't like to dress up and stuff. I'd rather just avoid running into trouble or something, because it'll pass eventually...
I know it's not good for me, but I'm scared. Or ashamed. Or both.
"ideal". Um, required. Although "ladies" isn't without its problems in terms of class hegemony and women's oppression, but I doubt that's what Colin had in mind...
OMG... one of my co-workers does the same thing constantly. "It's ok that I call you Stephanie, right?" Like, yes, it is completely fine that you call me by my chosen name... *facepalm*