Made this dinky little image so I could share this. XD
So, I'm four weeks post-op. As you've seen, I've been drawing again. Sitting up still isn't necessarily easy, but I'm doing what I can because I WANT to draw. It's important to me. And part of recovery means pushing yourself a little each day if you want to return to normalcy sooner and healthier. So slowly but surely, I shall do just that.
Please note that I am NOT overdoing it. And if anyone tells me NOT to draw, I will honestly start blocking people. Three surgeries later, that has proven only to be extremely discouraging and upsetting for me, and I just don't need that kind of negativity in my life. So thank you for your understanding and encouragement. ^_^
But how do I actually feel? Well... good, honestly. Very good.
I think I've said this before, but considering the nature of this surgery, I find myself surprised by how little pain I'm actually in. Especially considering that previous surgeries had far less visible results that still hurt way more four weeks after the fact. Do I still experience occasional twinges of pain? Yes. But they're actually incredibly tolerable, and most of the time I can wait them out without having to take anything for it. I'm pretty impressed by that.
This next part might be a little TMI for some of you, so read on at your own discretion. This is just something I personally find fascinating and wanted to share.
A very common question I've seen posed towards post-op trans women (and I've asked it myself a few times in the past), is "how does it feel to just have it like this now?" Well, the fascinating thing is that it's just as I've always been told: it looks completely different, but it feels about the same. Just, you know, without the external dangly bits. I mean, if you know how the surgery works, the penis isn't necessarily removed (just moved). Otherwise it would be rather hard to keep all the nerves intact.
But those nerves are interesting. As I said before, I occasionally get these twinges of pain. And even though my parts don't look the way they did before, I could perfectly pinpoint and describe where - in it's former shape - that pain would've occurred (if that makes sense). It's just that it's all inside now. The location is ultimately irrelevant, but it proves that even after surgery, the nerves still work. There is still feeling. So, those twinges, albeit currently unpleasant, might be a sign for considerably good things in the future.
I dunno. I'm just kinda blown away by this whole thing in general. Again, it's nothing I haven't been told before. But somehow, when you're going through it yourself, it's surprising to find how true it is. It's like reading a story with heavy foreshadowing. It feels so obvious, that you find yourself bracing yourself for an inevitable fakeout. And then everything plays out exactly how it was building up. So even though you knew what to expect, you're still a bit surprised. At least, that's where I am right now. XD
Anyway, I don't know if I've said this here or not, but I want everyone to know that I want to be incredibly open about everything. I know too well how frustratingly difficult it is to find information on this stuff. So I'm happy to offer my experiences, especially if they can be useful to anyone. And that means, if you have any questions (and that goes for anyone reading this), then you can ask me anytime. I might not necessarily have all the answers, but I'm always happy to help if I can.
Take care for now, Rain Beaus! ^_^
I have never looked into how it feels, but it is interesting to hear it from someone who has gone through the procedure. Keep going at your pace girl, whatever you need to do to keep high spirits! :D
Glad to hear you're doing well, and looking forward to new Rain ^_^
It's funny how long it takes for that mental body map to adjust to the surgical rearrangement. I've heard for some it only takes a few months, but it can also take years before inside/outside, up/down don't feel mixed up anymore.
I have not gone thru SRS yet. But I would imagine it be better as my mind seems to have a body plan that says it should be female in it. I think I would adjust very fast. Being able to set and pee like a female would be better for me as I been very small for a male all my life. I took female HRT and things got even smaller pretty much are up inside me mostly now. I was very overly happy about that. It feels right to have things more internal to me. I really want to get rid of the testicles part badly. Being intersex my body as been partly male and partly female like since puberty and my mind floats between male and female though my mind is mostly female. I feel like a butch tomboy all the time. I really hate being told all I can be is a male. I would be much more happy with a girls body. The more my body is female the more happy I am. I can not explain why. I think there is a pre set plan in our mind form birth. A road map of nerves being a certain way in a certain place. That some times does not match what we are born with in body. So we feel this strong need to change it to what feels like what we need. You can not over ride the brain so you can only adjust the body. I would not wish to change my brain even if I could. Then I would no longer be me. :P
Hand in there, hun. It will take a bit to adjust but it will be fine. Remember those nerves have been mentally mapped into one response for all your life and now they have to relearn what goes where. Believe me, before you know it those nerves will recognize their new locations.
Do what you want, your story is amazing and worth waiting for every little segment. Just get better soon and enjoy your life :)
@stun: Yes I agree very much. :)
So glad to hear you're doing well! Go at your own pace, and do what feels right to you. :D
I'm glad to hear you're recovering well. I can imagine not being able to engage in your favorite activities because you can't sit for very long is growing rather tiresome. Wishing you as pleasant a continued recovery as possible!
Hey, i just wanted to pipe in and say congrats! ive not actually thought of how it feels surprisingly so you saying what you did actually is really appreciated, im also glad your having a good recovery and everythings going well!
I am back to no infection and doing good. I was really worried as this was the first time I had deal with anything male organ related. Ones I do not want on top of it. All is going good for us both. :)
Congrats. Hope your recovery is speedy and all goes well and easy.
Just another reader chiming in.
Honestly, I just came across your comic yesterday and I really love it. Vincent is like my hero. I reaaaally love that you're including characters with different genders and orientations... I mean, I know that that's like the point of all this, but I still love it. It gives me hope, especially 'cause it turns out that I'm just their age, 17. And that Rain, although I'm ftm and not mtf, is homo. It's like... Not the common thing. But reading your comic makes me really happy and gets me up. Thank you. I mean, reaaaally.
Anyway. I'm happy that your recovery is going that good, and I'll wait till you get better to read you. Hope you get better very soon. :3 Rain really gets me up, like, I'm known in my house to be the "24/7 grouchy one". Not having good times by now, especially 'cause I haven't came out to no one and I dunno what's going to happen with my life after I finish my senior year, soo... Well, that doesn't matter at all. Just wanted to tell you: although I'm pretty new to your work, I really apreciate it. Reaaaally. Keep being so awesome. Good luck with your recovery. :3
And sorry if I made any mistake, english is not my native language.
@CodexUmbrae: I agree completely. It's really refreshing to see characters of different sexualities and genders presented in a more positive light rather than being fetishized or shown as freaks.
I'm also in a similar condition being the same age as the characters and not coming out about my gender, but I'm nonbinary rather than ftm.
Also, Codexumbrae, if you hadn't said anything, I would have assumed English is your first language. You're doing a great job. I wish my Spanish and Swedish could come off as clearly as your English.
@Stankard Toohy: I like how transgender is all kinds. I go thru times I feel nonbinary. I been stuck in between genders all my life. AMAB but I got to puberty and my body tried to be female growing breasts and hips like a girl. Really was very confusing though I was happy with it and that confused me more and I was afraid of how others will react So i tried to hide it at first. I acted very female all my life to. Felt like I was more a tomboy girl them a male. At times I felt like a ftm partly. I am Intersex and Gender Fluid but I end to falling more to the female side. I try to live as just a male and I am angry all the time and self destructive. I finally had to step back and look and see what I did to myself verses my fear of how others will react. It was better I was happy. I get along with people better now so they are more happy and excepting of me with how I am now. You need to just give them time to adjust. I did it slow a little at a time. I think what most transgender people do is try do so to fast. No one not even me takes sudden change well. :P
@Stankard Toohy: Yep... We are not freaks or something. I'd wish that everyone could realize.
Interesting... Never actually talked to someone nonbinary. Were you AFAB?
Anyway, it's really great when you can find characters with which you can identify or relate to, it makes you feel you're not as weird as sometimes, at least me, you feel.
And thank you so much! I really apreciate that. >< I'm working hard to improve. And good look with your spanish and swedish. c:
I agree we are not freaks. Different and that is not a bad thing. I think we are there to fill in the gaps between genders. Form a time when disease and war often left to many males or to many females. There as to be a few that can fill in those gaps and be able to take on the role of the other. This allows for better chance of survival for our species. At least tell things get back to normal. The Native Americans had no word for male or female. There were only warriors and those who stayed back caring for children. You proved you were a warrior no matter your gender you were one. We need those in between or that can be the other. Our society is much stronger with us then divided. :P
@Anna Rei: Exactly. xD People complicate themselves a lot.
@CodexUmbrae: I know I do. I am always confused as to what I am. What is import is I am me what ever that happen to be that I feel I am at the time. I think society places to much importance on labels. :p
@Anna Rei: That. xD Society tends to label... Everything. xD
Yeah that is true. I saw you said you never meet anyone like you before. I was the same way for the longest time. I got so used to it that it is very unsettling to meet some like myself. It was a mix like hate feeling to do so. The hate part is not of them just more like your no long a singularity. When one meets the other there is bound to be waves of emotion between you you can feel. Almost like we read each others minds. Feelings like were the hell were you all my life or am I no longer special just me. We both almost got into and cat fight. It was like that. But once we got over it it was cool and fun. And very scary how much we were alike. When there as been no other for so long you begin to think you made it all up in your head and then there is prof. It just blows your mind if you try and think about it to much. :P
Yeah, I can relate to that. I am intersexed myself, with ennervation that is more complicated than normal. I have been told the SRS would be a little more complicated, as my "lady parts" are half sized, and the "guy parts" are a little less than half sized. Not to sound crude, but the female side works a whole lot better than the male side, and that is how I identify. Yes, I cycle, and that separates me from the male population. With that being said, and a certain difficulty in passing as male, the boneheads in the gov still insist that I have an M on my passport, which always causes problems. Yes, I have XX chromosomes, so technically I am female. But anatomically, I have anomalies that, while not looking like a normal male, still cause problems with identification. I am in transition now, and never looked back or regretted that decision. Yes, I want my "plumbing" fixed, as difficult as that might be, as well as expensive. I am a woman in my chromosomes, heart, and mind. It's regrettable that I have to spend thousands of dollars for some stupid clerk to change a "M" to a "F" on a document. Am I the only one that sees how wrong this is? We are who we are.
I know all about hiding who you are, and did the chest binding and the sock in the pants. Not any more. I think the intersexed are worse off then just the trans, as we are neither and both at the same time. It gives one a different perspective.
Good luck on your recovery, and best wishes on upcoming stories! I am sure this down time has given you a lot to think about, and I am sure that it will be amazing to see what happens next!