Up in the Air

posted July 10th, 2017, 3:29 pm


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view LittleLynn84's profile

July 10th, 2017, 3:51 pm

LittleLynn84

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Oof... :/

I've spent a lot of time today stalling posting this page, because I'm pretty sure this won't be one that's well-liked. I mean, of course we all want to see Drew being super understanding and supportive of Ky. And it's probably safe to say he wants that too. But he's still pretty far from getting it.

Maybe it's his inexperience. Maybe it's the school. Or his cliques. Or his upbringing. Maybe Ky isn't great at articulating their thoughts and feelings. Whatever the reason, it should be noted that Drew's not intentionally being malicious. That said, it's also noteworthy that this isn't the first time his ignorant remarks have hurt Ky either (regardless of how unintentional they might've been).

Thoughts?


©2004-2017
Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.

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July 20th, 2019, 8:08 pm

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July 12th, 2017, 7:03 am

LittleLynn84

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I wanted to remind people (perhaps needless to say after the last one), that the next page is going to be a doozy. Lot of words. Very emotional. I don't know if it's triggering, per se, but it might be a little intense for some.

I just wanted the warning out there.

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user comments

July 10th, 2017, 4:03 pm

Lune (Guest)

A Thought

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I think that this is all fine and dandy given that Drew isn't coming from a bad place, and could/will probably be a learning moment for Drew. He'll better understand how to rephrase comments and questions in an appropriate way, and learn what things aren't necessarily okay to say. And Ky will maybe learn how to better explain their gender to someone on the outside.

It's can be a long journey to 'supportive and understanding' after all.

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July 10th, 2017, 4:13 pm

jalae (Guest)

superpower activate

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jesus christ drew makes me cringe.... i wouldn't be able to date him... im so sorry for ky.

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July 10th, 2017, 5:30 pm

Leah (Guest)

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@jalae:

Drew's superpower is squeezing multiple feet into his mouth at one time.

Ky's superpower is superhuman patience.

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July 12th, 2017, 10:01 am

Microrapter (Guest)

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@Leah: Not only does Drew have multiple feet in his mouth at the moment, he's all the way up to mid-thigh.

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July 10th, 2017, 4:14 pm

Guest

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Oh shit...
You messed up Drew... Time to have a much bigger conversation than you thought you were going to have.

At the core of this is why we as trans people often understand up dating other trans people. Cis people can be coming to this from a background of no information and no experience.... They will make every mistake and not even know it.

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July 10th, 2017, 4:16 pm

CatPerson (Guest)

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@LittleLynn84:

I think Drew needs an emergency footectomy ...

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view 00Stevo's profile

July 10th, 2017, 4:40 pm

00Stevo

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Poor Drew, I don't think he realises what he says until it is too late

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July 10th, 2017, 5:19 pm

TranshumanAr (Guest)

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R. I. P. Drew. We became richer for losing him. Also, sit down Drew, you MOTHERFUCKSTICK!!!!

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July 10th, 2017, 5:42 pm

Guest

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Drew. Drew no. Ky is "actually a boy" too on their boy days.

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July 10th, 2017, 5:55 pm

Haldo (Guest)

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Abraham_Lincoln_Now_You_Fucked_Up.mov

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view plasticwrap's profile

July 15th, 2017, 4:01 am

plasticwrap

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udungoofd.jpg

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July 10th, 2017, 5:58 pm

Haldo (Guest)

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In all seriousness though my best friend revealed to me that he still saw me as a girl and was just humoring my saying I'm genderfluid in a MUCH worse way than this. BOY did have hell to pay after that lmao. As long as Drew doesn't take a nosedive into saying something worse than this he'll probably be able to smooth it over.

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July 12th, 2017, 3:52 pm

Gavin and Sarah (Guest)

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@Haldo: Ugh. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I can relate. :/

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view TallMist's profile

July 10th, 2017, 6:03 pm

TallMist

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Drew, NO. *Grabs water squirt bottle* Bad, Drew, bad

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July 12th, 2017, 3:53 pm

Gavin and Sarah (Guest)

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@TallMist: This is my favourite response.

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July 10th, 2017, 6:08 pm

Anna_Reads (Guest)

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Omg drew just shut up

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view Snow Lilly's profile

July 10th, 2017, 6:37 pm

Snow Lilly

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Nice knowing you Drew

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July 10th, 2017, 6:52 pm

Guest

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And he was doing so well for a moment there.

It's honestly kind of impressive, he can get more feet in his mouth than most people even HAVE.

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July 10th, 2017, 7:07 pm

hueloovoo

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*emergency alert klaxon* On July 10, 2017, a foot-in-mouth reactor went supercritical and exploded into a full blown asshole move, venting ignorance and tactlessness into the atmosphere. We are as of yet uncertain what effect this will have on local wildlife, but one thing is certain; there will be fallout. Readers are advised to stay tuned for further reports, details or instructions. *emergency alert klaxon*

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July 10th, 2017, 7:27 pm

Philturn (Guest)

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I think it is absurd to expect anything else from Drew at this point. He is clearly trying to figure all of this out. You shouldn't blame him for being a product of his upbringing. He goes to a Catholic school and presumably has Catholic parents. As someone raised Catholic, I can say there is a lot of built in resistance to being able to understand Ky's situation.

That isn't to say he should be given a pass if he shows no desire to learn, but he is trying to understand. You don't punish a kid who is bad at *insert school subject here*, you just keep at it and try different explanations/give them more time.

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view TallMist's profile

July 10th, 2017, 8:46 pm

TallMist

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@Philturn: He may be trying, but he definitely has to be called out, or he will never learn. And he just crossed a huge line that many trans people and non-binary people would not forgive anyone for. Especially with all the feet in his mouth that he had previously, including this chapter and previous interactions with Ky.
Sometimes you just have to stop before you speak and think about what you're going to say.
Believe me, I want to root for Drew, but he's not making it easy by any stretch.

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July 10th, 2017, 9:19 pm

Philturn (Guest)

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@TallMist: I'm not saying Ky shouldn't point out problematic things he says. A lot of the comments above suggest Ky would be justified to commit physical violence against him.

Correct his mistakes? Yes.
Decide it isn't worth the time? Sure.
Kick him in the balls? Never ok.

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view Nesagsar's profile

July 10th, 2017, 7:46 pm

Nesagsar

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Only had to wait one more page for him to screw it up even bigger.

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July 10th, 2017, 7:53 pm

Guest

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I don't think it matters what's going on with Drew, much more how Ky feels. If Ky sets boundaries with him and he continues to cross them, that's a violation. Relationships are built on respect for the feelings of your partner and Ky doesn't HAVE to put up with Drew's foot-mouth. It's a choice to put up with it, and Ky should be Ky's priority regardless of Drew's place of understanding.

I've tolerated ignorance and thought it made me a nice person, but it just made me sad. My therapist is working hard to show me that making myself a priority doesn't make me a bad person, or it doesn't mean I'm less of a partner. I think that's very applicable in situations like this. Ky is allowed to be mad even if Drew is trying.

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July 10th, 2017, 7:56 pm

Fox (Guest)

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@Guest: I second this wholeheartedly.

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July 10th, 2017, 9:30 pm

Philturn (Guest)

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@Guest: I am merely recognizing that it is astounding he got this far this quickly. I'm not saying he gets a free pass to continue to make mistakes. Ky has every right to leave the relationship just like any other person. Ky has shown signs of wanting to help Drew understand. If Ky is trying to do that, then it requires patience.

Ky hasn't set boundaries in regards to him putting his foot in the mouth, and even if they were set, then it isn't like he would suddenly comply. He isn't purposefully sticking his foot in his mouth. Ending the relationship is fine, but getting angry at him for it doesn't help.

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July 10th, 2017, 8:19 pm

cat5 (Guest)

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so, okay, im agender and whatever but im really not that into discussing gender at all?? im sexually female and growing up in a traditionally kinda bigoted area (tho my family is p democratic) and most of my issues on this front come from people simply not understanding the terms, getting confused, and saying something hurtful unintentionally. from this, i typically just try to avoid the subject all together, and if it comes up i will tell the truth, but make it obvious that i really dont care how people see me as long as they dont treat me any different from anyone else. obviously different strokes for different folks, and ky's situation is different, but i personally still have a hard time understanding why s/he spends so much time arguing about it with drew instead of laying down a few fundamentals and then changing the subject, since thats what i would do

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July 10th, 2017, 8:42 pm

Unknown (Guest)

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@cat5:

I think part of it is that Ky told Drew they would make an effort to help him understand things - both their situation and Drew himself. But that's just a guess.

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July 10th, 2017, 8:38 pm

castlemaid

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Ky should just help him not to say stuff like that, i'm sure he'd be more than happy to accomodate to Ky's every whim if he understood

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July 10th, 2017, 8:40 pm

Unknown (Guest)

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I'm not trans or gender-fluid, so I won't say I understand how Ky feels, but I think get it. It's uncommon for me to ever feel like a girl despite being one, but even at my most "feminine" I despise dresses. I feel so completely out of place in them, like I'm doll being forced to pretend I'm something I'm not.

I can't imagine that's anything close to what Ky describes (a boy forced to wear a dress and pretend to be a girl), but I think I can at least grasp how uncomfortable it is to be forced to dress up like that.

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view TallMist's profile

July 10th, 2017, 8:47 pm

TallMist

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Drew HAS to make more of an effort, regardless of upbringing, or he WILL lose Ky for good. And Ky would be justified in walking away.

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July 10th, 2017, 9:05 pm

Guest

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Someones about to get punched in his "ACTUALLY a guy" parts

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view otakuchris's profile

July 10th, 2017, 9:34 pm

otakuchris

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Since it's not intentionally malicious, Ky should pull a paper folding fan (anime harisen) from some place and smack him.^-^ It would help him shove that foot of his farther down his throat.

If she wants to be nice, could just facepalm and then smack him with her palm if he says anything else dumb.

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view Horror13's profile

July 10th, 2017, 9:45 pm

Horror13

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Before I came out as trans (ftm) I was out as genderfluid and I was forced to wear a dress for a party (I was in boy mode) long story short I was miserable let's just say it is not fun.

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July 10th, 2017, 9:50 pm

LX (Guest)

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God dang it Drew

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July 10th, 2017, 9:55 pm

Guest

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It's not really about whether Drew's just saying the wrong thing or saying it maliciously, in a way the fact that it's an unthinking mistake makes it seem worse to me. He's just demonstrated that he doesn't see Ky in his boymode as a genuine boy. I'd imagine Ky felt really validated by the fact that Drew was attracted to him and first saw him in boy mode, and before now it's even seemed to me like him confusion about his feelings for Ky and his confusuion and curiosity about Ky's experience at least seemed to show that he understood on a better level than most that Ky/lie isn't a cis girl, but this moment undoes all that (criticism of Drew, not the plot, the storytelling is top tier as ever). As a genderfluid person, I have plenty of friends that refer to me as my birth gender - I know they don't mean to be hurtful, I'm not angry at them, but what they say deeply hurts because it rams home that they don't really see me. I couldn't be with someone who said this to me. Drew might be well-meaning, but he doesn't see Ky, and that's the problem. (imo :3)

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July 10th, 2017, 11:02 pm

Fox (Guest)

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@Guest: I agree 100%.

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July 10th, 2017, 9:57 pm

Guest

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*assigned gender, it's 4am in my timezone, my brain did a sleepy crossover with 'birth name'

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July 10th, 2017, 9:57 pm

Lilrq28 (Guest)

Oh Drew

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What have you done?

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July 10th, 2017, 10:41 pm

Riaya

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ooh wrong move boy

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July 11th, 2017, 1:24 am

Yan Mouson

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It was at this moment that Drew knew... he fucked up.

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view happybunnyntx's profile

July 11th, 2017, 2:57 am

happybunnyntx

It makes me wonder

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Drew sticking his foot in his mouth yet again aside I do wonder what ky planned for that scenario. I mean with the rules for the school Drew has to take someone that presents as a girl. Yes it would be silly to expect Ky to show up as a girl if they were in boy mode on any given day, but did Ky prepare themselves for possibly having to forgo the dance entirely? Once inside it might be possible to change into boy clothes, but at least to get in Ky would have to dress and act as a girl regardless of how they felt that day if the school checks at the door.
This also makes me wonder if anything will happen that will cause issues with Rain later since she signed up for tickets as Ryan and will show up at the dance as Rain and being her girly self.Stupid religious school rules. This makes my brain hurt.

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July 11th, 2017, 5:13 am

CatPerson (Guest)

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@happybunnyntx:

"Stupid religious school rules."

Now there is one possibility ...

The school might well have a "dress code" for girls at the prom ... hemlines have to be of a certain length, neck lines not too low, no off-the-shoulder dresses, etc. ... but it is quite possible that it doesn't specifically say in such policy that girls have to wear dresses. The bureaucratic mind (especially Catholic bureaucratic mind) might just assume girls would wear them.

The school might still try to apply a non-existent policy (also a characteristic of the bureaucratic mind) but, if the people actually at the prom are as lax as Emily thinks, they might just shrug their shoulders if confronted with a written policy that doesn't specifically require dresses on girls. And if Ky could stand a few feminineish touches ... a pink ruffled shirt, say ...

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view happybunnyntx's profile

July 12th, 2017, 1:02 am

happybunnyntx

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@CatPerson: Oooh~ Sneaky! I like it ^_^ Thought honestly I think Ky could get away with that kind of thing if they just stated "Kylie" at the door in a super girly voice and they wouldn't ask too many questions.
Still all this has me worried!

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July 11th, 2017, 5:08 am

Corrin (Guest)

Sympathy for the Devil (and a personal anecdote)

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I know everyone's shitting on or going to be shitting on Drew for a while. And for the most part, like 80% of it, I can see why/understand.

But is it wrong that, between his upbringing, the environment around him, and the lack of knowledge that he'd -ever- receive without some reason to dive into it and learn, that I, if not get, then at least see where he's coming from?

I'm not saying he's right. I'm just saying I understand the confusion.

Actually, I once found myself similarly confused by a friend of a friend, who identifies as being they/them, and explicitly not female. Which is fine; not exactly going to eat me up at night in most cases.

The part makes me go ??.?? is that during a group activity online, said friend of friend had to step out for a bit to breastfeed their child. That they'd given birth to. And upon me asking my friend about it, they never really explained it in a way that ever made sense to me.

Like, I get that the body and the mind might not be running the same processes, for lack of a better term, so someone can be of a mind that has a different gender than the body, or at least that's the closest way of me to explain trying to understand non-cis people and why I'm more willing than most to respect them (one of my coworkers brought it up randomly and the night crew was surprised to find out that I not only had an opinion, but was so liberal). And I get that biological processes can happen with or without the consent of the actual person (which is why a different coworker, who claimed that men can't be raped except anally, deserved to be let go and I was happy to see her leave).

But, like... giving birth, and then physically nourishing said baby... and there's -no- feminimity involved at all, you say? Like.. I mean, so long as no one's being hurt, it shouldn't matter what people do... I'm just still having trouble putting the math together on that, even with all the work done on paper and adding up. (Probably doesn't help that said friend of friend is visually my type.)

So yeah, from one person with a couple of questions and concerns to another, I hope that everyone here doesn't crucify Drew completely here. He's not acting like Aiken (and he came around) or Kellen (who might also be making a run-back). And he has the defense of being a stupid ignorant teenage boy who probably doesn't understand his own hormones, let alone someone else's. Nor is the situation they're in the easiest to work around; Rain had to use a loop hole to smuggle in one of her friends, and the potential ramifications of doing so could be devastating.

So yeah, TLDR; until he's actually being an asshole with no intent on listening to Ky's feelings or understanding their situation, cut him some slack.

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July 11th, 2017, 5:32 am

CatPerson (Guest)

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@Corrin:

It's clear that Drew isn't saying the things he does out of evil purposes. He's not trying to hurt, humiliate or shame Ky. While anger and recrimination is justified at his blunders, there are different levels of anger and recrimination. Drew doesn't deserve to be treated the way a bigot deserves to be treated. The anger and recrimination Drew deserves is the kind reserved for friends who say stupid things ... the kind that forgives when the friend shows remorse and tries not to say stupid things anymore.

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July 11th, 2017, 3:28 pm

Corrin (Guest)

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@CatPerson: I dunno; some people are calling for the potential relationship to outright end. You'd think having him learn so as to stop the blunders (or at least reduce the frequency of them) would be more appropriate...

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July 12th, 2017, 12:49 am

CatPerson (Guest)

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@Corrin:

Well, I'm not trans or gender fluid. Maybe the way they've been treated all their life has left scars too deep to make it worth their while to overlook even inadvertent pain inflicted on them. I can understand that and accept that it is the right thing for them.

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July 11th, 2017, 8:30 am

Kira (Guest)

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This is very far from the first time Drew has shown he doesn't respect Ky. I really hope Ky stops putting up with this because they deserve way better than this crap.

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July 11th, 2017, 12:24 pm

The one in the pit (Guest)

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Drew, Drew, Drew, you're just hopping from foot to foot sticking one into your mouth then the other

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July 11th, 2017, 12:45 pm

Daisy (Guest)

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Oh boy here we go. Drew, sweetheart, no. Just… no

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July 11th, 2017, 6:20 pm

TheGreenGeek24

Oh NO!!

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Mmm, nope, Drew you are a sweetheart, but you cannot use the "actual boy" excuse! Ky is just as much as a boy when they feel like it =, as you are when you feel like it. Whether that be often or not. ARGH, please Ky, don't kill him, he cares.

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July 12th, 2017, 10:08 am

Microrapter (Guest)

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@Anna Rei: It is, however, acceptable to ask a gender-ambiguous person privately which pronouns they prefer.

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July 12th, 2017, 10:26 am

A Frustrated Reader (Guest)

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It's unrelated but could anyone please tell me what page is the "meanwhile... emily gets a chill up her spine" joke? I've been rereading the entire comic just for that.

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view Minim's profile

July 12th, 2017, 10:54 am

Minim

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July 12th, 2017, 11:37 am

lilue (Guest)

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Even aside from invalidating Ky's gender, Drew's also implying that Ky shouldn't be as upset as he is about wearing a dress (in boy mode). Even if Ky wasn't a boy sometimes, he would have just as much right to feel uncomfortable in a dress as Drew does.

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view plasticwrap's profile

July 15th, 2017, 3:59 am

plasticwrap

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udungoofd.jpg

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February 28th, 2018, 7:11 pm

elex (Guest)

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Dangit drew, get your foot out of your mouth, it's not food.

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